Photo Credit: Vlad Eftenie
Fucking shit kundalini again. Full version. Who am I? What am I? Why have I stayed? I would get my mysterious answers only later and a magical life was about to start… but it was not an easy road. Kundalini does not equal illumination, a concept linked to many expectations and false understandings. Kundalini just means that you have arrived at the gates of heaven, you have knocked and the gates have opened. What’s next? Something like the next season of a really good TV show…
For a yogi, kundalini is similar to an Oscar received by an actor nominated for “best supporting role”. The Oscar for best supporting actor marks the fact that the industry has seen you and that implicitly you are being considered for “best actor/actress”. You have shown potential and the stakes just got higher. The same with kundalini: the “industry” above tells you “you can do it”, and the intergalactic council watches your next moves. Your responsibility increases, as well as your sensitivity, because your energy becomes higher voltage and you start having the capacity to manifest. You become more energy and less matter, having more than 50 % light in the body. The grand cosmic premiere happens after you achieve 79 % and can rise to a maximum of 85 %, so you can still keep your feet on the ground. I would only experience part of these things after some time, and not overnight…
The next two years that followed, my presence here on Earth was quite unsure. I kept my activity to a minimum, just to be able to sustain my life: rent, bills, food etc. I was so disconnected from everything, that I sometimes wondered what would become of me. I didn’t feel anything anymore. I was absolutely frigid towards my life. It seemed like all my senses were annihilated by kundalini. I wasn’t really grieving them, but I was grieving af-ter my inner smile state that I had been having since 2013. It was the first time ever that I couldn’t feel this positive feeling inside for months, and the saying “fake it till you make it” did not work for me. The girls from my yoga classes kept trying to convince me to begin group classes again. They even looked for a space in town to rent, but I felt I had nothing left to give. I was living in a film noir and was nominated in all Intergalactic Golden Razzie categories.
The first year, winter, spring, summer and fall passed by and I continuously fought with the gods in my thoughts. I decided I was a quantic mistake and I seriously doubted the perfection of the entire universe. What if I was God’s error? I was, indeed, born on a Tuesday the 13th… Maybe then, the galactic software had had an energy failure and it had propelled me on a wrong planet. I always said Venus would have been better for me… I imagined that everyone was harmoniously singing there “All you need is love”, and I would have fitted in perfectly in that choir…
After a while, my extra-sensory experiences started to diversify. I found this exciting and fascinating, but sometimes it was completely maddening. Stellar journeys, sleep pa-ralysis, the feeling that my soul was leaving the body every night, earthquakes that hap-pened in other countries and that I felt in real time within me, lights seen with my eyes closed during meditation, energies that I could observe with eyes open, the activation of merkaba with its sacred geometry (and even stronger sensations than kundalini), the clearsense that was driving me crazy, the afterworld and the stellar plans, the sound of the universe that I heard like galactic bells in my head, plus many other things that I ha-ven’t even been able to pinpoint theoretically. A paradox was in motion: the more fluid and comfortable I became navigating through spiritual experiences, the more awkward and clumsy I lived my day to day life. I knew that the two worlds had to be integrated, but I was aware that it didn’t depend on me or, more exactly, it didn’t depend on that part of me that was experiencing all this with human lack of confidence. There were some moments when I was so dispersed and lost, that I started negotiating with the gods to take me from this earth, if they didn’t plan to clarify my mission and give me an answer to my question “why am I staying?”. I knew I was going through the deeply transforming Void, which pre-pares one for the embodiment of the soul. But I was scared about the fact that some peo-ple had spent 7 years in this state, or others became homeless, because they simply couldn’t function normally like this.
All symptoms of ascension were here, but of all of them, losing my memory was the worst. It frightened me tremendously. On some mornings, it took me a while to remember who and where I was. And when I realized what was what, I hopelessly remarked within me: “Ah, I’m still on Earth”. If I had a private class the next day, I had to put post-its on the kitchen table and set two alarms strategically in different parts of the apartment, so that I wouldn’t be able to ignore them, just like the Universe was ignoring me. The day of the class I would consciously eat certain foods to lower my vibration so that I could get there on my own feet, because sometimes I would simply fall into meditation, like I had just re-ceived an open invitation. During those times, it was like I was suspended for hours on a cloud high above, I forgot about myself and everything else and just existed in a state of pure consciousness and bliss.
I desperately looked for people to talk to about all this, but people that had already experienced what I was going through. I had some lame attempts in Romania, and the results were so bad, that I thought to myself that it would be better to just shut up and keep everything for myself, than to open my soul and be open with anybody else. But in the end I did find someone. A lot of people in the whole wide world, actually: in Belgium, London, New York, New London, Hawaii, Germany. Souls that didn’t raise their eyebrows when they heard me tell my story and didn’t rush to tell me that I don’t know myself and that I should talk to a psychiatrist. Therefore, the money I gained from giving private yoga lessons, I spent on readings and all sorts of sessions with them. I charged 55 euro on a yoga class in Romania and paid 80-150 euro on a private session abroad. The energy exchange was well worth it for me and I never cried over the money I spent, even if it was from my “Mega Image budget”. I was ready to pay any amount of money, if I felt that even a single word would help me. The abilities from my former project manager job were stra-tegically activating within me and I got to work: yoga classes, meditations, light activation, chakra alignment, full moon rituals, new moon rituals etc. However, when friends asked me what I do all day… it was hard to explain, even when I remembered what I had been doing!
One of the first readings was the one with Jeanette. I had learned about her through the books that Paul Selig had written on vibration.
As soon as I saw her, I felt in good enough hands to get rid of all my inhibitions. I exposed my splendid soul without a hint of hesita-tion. Her nasal oxygen cannula, supported by her ears, only made her appear more mys-tical – and she had lived quite a few decades on Earth. I knew she would share with me all that I needed. I spoke about an hour about my thirty years of earthly existence. She read me from the start and told me I had contacted her to receive a confirmation about some things I already knew deep down inside. She encouraged me to fully honor the spiritual heritage that I came with into this world and told me my soul’s signature was that of a healer and teacher, which would explain why I had healed so fast and without any traces after my accident. She made it clear how much I impact others with my energy, calmed me down regarding my extrasensory experiences and analyzed in great detail the Mary Magdalen in me.
I came to Earth marked; I have been considered a whore in a wide array of contexts, I was told I was nothing, simply shit and that I don’t count; I have been abused physically, verbally and emotionally, and I have been judged for many things, many times. I have suffered a great deal of injustice, which has made my soul bitter, and the hardest thing has been to get over it and not let it define me. To keep my inner light shining bright when others blew it out was one of the greatest lessons of my life. Not many people have seen me as I am, and not many have really appreciated me. And this has always been a source of pain for me, not because of my ego, but due to the scar my soul bears from the collec-tive hurt feminine subconscious. That was actually one of the reasons I chose to experi-ment this life in the body of a woman.
As painful as the truth might be, we attract what we vibrate and I was forced to fall down on my knees within my soul and fully assume responsibility. I knew that when I’ll change my vibration, I will not attract all the “sweetness” of the third dimension of con-sciousness. For a long time, I passed through a deep healing process of every expression of my womanhood, but not only that – through a process of energy cleansing, so that I will become able to sustain the vibration of the fifth dimension of consciousness. It was the winter of 2015 when the role of Mary Magdalen became apparent to me and since then I have been completely fascinated by her. It was thus not a surprise for me when I later found out that she was part of my soul family. She embodies the energy archetype of the goddess with sacred healing, alchemy and transmutation abilities, she is a manifesta-tion of divine feminine energy and, at the same time, a pure expression of the fusion be-tween divine truth and unconditional love.
After my vibration changed, I was surprised that the men were the first that re-sponded to my energy. Before that, when I walked through a park, I seldom escaped clas-sical pick-up lines. Unexpectedly, the feminine scenario I had lived my whole life was changing. A few times it actually happened to me to be talked to in a polite manner by men, that would admiringly but also respectfully state that they appreciate my presence. I didn’t just like the compliments, but the energy they were stated with – a completely dif-ferent energy than I knew before. I have to say I had experienced admiration or passion from a man, but never true respect. I noticed that these moments of pure veneration hap-pen when I feel the energy flow through my body from the upper part to the lower part. In moments like these, I feel I could fry up another person just by touching them. And to think I had the idea that I’m becoming frigid towards life…
This year, on my birthday, I was awakened by a butterfly and I instantly knew I will soon leave the Void. And the Universe did not stop at a single gift. The same day, I saw the en-ergies around me materializing into a rain of diamonds. I wished to myself “Happy Birth-day, Dana”, as well as “Welcome to Earth. Back, but different”.
Who am I? A soul visiting the Earth, embodied in a feminine body, with the role of healing of womanhood and the divine balancing of feminine and masculine energies. While I consciously access the energies of mother and divine goddess, I am none of them. I deeply honor my spiritual side, but I have started to honor to the same amount my human side also. And to love it too. I am a friend, a sister, a daughter, a lover, a teacher, a facilitator (?) of divine energy and I discover myself with every interaction and human ex-perience. I am joy and love in action and I don’t get upset if some things don’t go the way I want them to go. I am, just as you, a spiritual being that lives and explores a human expe-rience – a complex one, full of everything. I am both special and ordinary.
I know who I am in Truth. I know what I am in Truth. I know how I serve in Truth.
I am here. I am here. I am here.
I honor the Rising Sun within, without, new life, I honor you.